8 Things I Wish My Father Had Told Me!

As you journey through this amazing life you will experience amazing highs, devastating lows & everything in between, on every conceivable level.

This is both natural & normal

It’s part of who you are destined to become on your journey along the circular road of life but as you do so make sure you live mindfully in each moment because once it has passed that’s it, it’s gone, forever

The past has only the power over us which we choose to give it

Remember life is no than a story made up of an untold myriad of these moments which, are no sooner here than they are gone, never to be able to be relived except in memory, you owe it to the person you will become to be able to remember each one in such a way that you recall it making your heart sing with joy…for you, as are we all, were born to be a joyful soul.

Make each & everyone count as if it were your last, because? One day it will be

Everyone we meet is a teacher

You will meet people from all walks and stations of life. Some rich. Some poor. Some educated. Others illiterate. You will come to know businessmen and cleaners, doctors and warehousemen, lawyers and sales assistants, rich men, poor men, beggars and (sadly) thieves.

Yet through these wonderfully diverse, unique souls you will come to know…yourself.

You won’t realize it for the longest of times but each & every soul whose path you cross or indeed who cross yours will come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and without exception they will do so because they have something to teach you & often about yourself

There will be times you rail against this because it will be so much easier (and safer) to remain where you will not be challenged either by yourself or others…inside & behind the very skillfully created facade of your comfort zone.

Whenever you feel the need to retreat to that place of safety always remember that in everything, when we live, truly live through it, then we grow because growth is always on the other side of fear

The path of least resistance is not always the easiest route

Regardless of who you meet along life’s highway, should you ever have to choose between being kind, or right? Be kind and in that way, you will be right every time.

There are some you will meet who will treat you with scorn and derision, they will frown upon you & most certainly they will look down on you. Treat them well for they are living a reality about which you know nothing. Treat them as you would treat yourself & should you ever find yourself mirroring their behavior and find yourself looking down on them as they, once did you? Let it be only to lift them higher, for the path of least resistance is not always the most obvious of answers

Always look for the lesson

For every person, you meet or situation you find yourself in, be sure to look for the lesson, always look for the lesson because it is there

To miss it will surely cost you dearly, whereas to see it will take you ever closer to where you are meant to be and the sooner you get there, then the more time you will have at your disposal to do the amazing things you will otherwise come to do in the autumn of your life instead of the spring. When things go wrong as they surely will, always try and remind yourself that we are not defined by what happens to us, but how we deal with it.

The power to control your life is yours alone

If you are tempted to give in or give up when life gets hard and it will get hard, think of all the untold number of people whose lives may never be touched by the message you must share if you give away the power that is rightfully yours

Always be true to yourself, learn to live your authentic truth with both purpose and passion, in your own way and on your own terms. Others will expect you to dance to their tune as they try to turn your mind to the way they think you should live the life that is yours, not theirs, to live

There will be times you do not feel strong enough to resist the pull of their manipulation and there will for sure be times that you come to doubt the very reason for your existence as you as you come to fear being exposed for what others think you are: an imposter, a fraud – EXCEPT of course you aren’t!

At times like this remember above all else that

The opinions of others are simply that – Opinions!

Whoever and whatever you are in this life, YOUR life, it’s enough!

Should others think otherwise that’s fine but remember that their opinions are always just that on both counts. They are opinions (not facts) and they are theirs, which means they are neither your business or your problem.

Acknowledge them if you must but leave them where they belong, in the minds of those who are so busy trying to live your life for you that they have forgotten they have a life of their own to live!

Gratitude is the key

As each day ends, be grateful for the time you have had and look to tomorrow with a renewed sense of optimism & the promise of fresh hope because no matter how you may feel at the time? There is always, always hope

Be grateful for the dawn of each day and mindful of the fact that on this day you are the youngest you will ever be and in return commit to taking the persistent positive action you need to enable you to find the courage to be who really are and live the life of the person you were meant to be before the world told you who you should become

Believe in yourself

Understand that self-care and self-love are necessary acts compassion and kindness both to and for yourself and regardless of what anyone thinks (including perhaps yourself) they are far from selfish. Without fail validate and honour yourself daily. Accept that you were born to be imperfectly perfect and as such treat yourself as you would both treat others and have them treat you

No matter what and regardless of anything know this. The person you see in the mirror today is the sum of everything that has ever happened to you

The good. The bad. The indifferent

The person you have become along the way is the person you were meant to be for now but remember that everything is temporary and should you choose going forward to change anything then that’s also ok because yesterday, today and tomorrow…

Whoever and whatever you are in this life from the day you arrive on this planet until the day you are no more – YOU ARE ENOUGH!

 

Sue Curr is a Writer, Speaker and Empowerment Coach specializing in mental health awareness, addiction and recovery and regularly shares her own personal journey in order that others will find the strength they need to develop the courage to be who they really are

 

It’s OK To Be Sad – Isn’t it?

The fear of what others think or say about us often cause us to pretend that everything is OK when it’s anything but

It’s okay to be sad!!

Sadness just as much as any other emotion is and indeed should be equally as valid as any other; happiness, anger, jealousy and joy and as such it’s OK to be sad as and when we feel the need

Isn’t It?

Yet the fear of what others think or say about us often cause us to pretend otherwise because we don’t want to worry them. We don’t want them to think we’re weak or can’t cope for instance or worse that we’re an attention seeking drama queen!

But life isn’t a performance!

However pretending to be OK when you feel like you’re falling apart is. It isn’t your job to smile or hide your authentic truth purely to serve to make other people feel more comfortable

So if things become awkward let them

It’s not okay for others to undermine or gloss over your feelings, to try to silence your pain by telling you to get over it or cheer up because you’re no longer fun to be around. They like you need to understand that you are perfectly imperfect and as such are entitled to have times when you no longer wish or need to perform for anyone’s benefit except yours

There’s no need to push away your sadness

You should always honour your feelings and understand that you don’t need permission, approval or validation to feel what you feel and more importantly is very, very real

Self care is important and we should never neglect it for the sake of others. Especially those who may only want you around when it’s easy & comfortable. Their discomfort isn’t about you, it’s about them, their limitations and their own issues

No matter what they think or say, you should always to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel.

You’re allowed to show your feelings honestly.

You’re allowed to talk about your pain and reach out for support if you feel you need it.

You’re allowed to scream and wail and cry.

After all there’s a saying ‘it’s better out than in’ meaning in terms of our mental health that the sooner we acknowledge, accept and validate our emotions then the sooner we can work through them and let them go having learned what we need to from the experience

On a personal level recently as a family we had (and in some instances continue) to deal with some pretty traumatic circumstances each one which in their own right were enough to cope with on any given day but when combined, served on several occasions to almost completely derail our day to day lives and yet from my perspective they didn’t (though to be honest it came close at times) because I’m human and I now understand that as such we have the power of choice

Let me explain what I mean …

Just a few short years ago the stress of the chaos unfolding around us, let alone my highly charged emotional state caused by recent situations would’ve been enough to see me heading for a bottle or 4 of wine per day just to keep on an even keel in terms of ‘keeping it all together’. Anyway despite the emotions, chaos and drama which has continued to plague us these last few months and without burdening you with the finer detail, I’m happy to report that I’m still well and truly sober. YAAAAY!

Yet there have been several times where I’ve been so sad, so overwhelmed and so bloody frustrated I thought I would implode!

Why am I telling you this?

That’s easy because as I’ve pointed out previously life isn’t a performance and I know that now, but the old me?

The old me would’ve carried on stoically, pretending to the world and his father that everything, including me was fine. That I was despite everything happy. That I could cope and that they didn’t need to worry about me. All true – in the story in my head – and which was one of the reasons my life previously took the turn it did

However

The new me (I’m still very much a work in progress mind) knows better, so very much better and these days…

If I’m sad or overly emotional? I let it out. I sob, I cry and most importantly I’m getting better at doing it

If I’m angry?  I let it out. Even (and I have) if I have to go outside and scream at the moon and trust me on this when we release our anger healthily we instantly begin to feel better!

If I feel overwhelmed, hurt or confused? I let it out. I work through those feelings as best, as soon and as thoroughly as I can. Writing everything down is a good venting strategy as well as the more obvious one of talking it through with someone who’s not only supportive but objective (for my part thank you, you know who you are) and whilst ALL of the above and more constitute the menu which is sadness, they by the same token are all of them much easier to overcome, move through and grow from when we deal with them head on and don’t bury them, along with our heads in the sand.

But Do You Know What?

When we allow ourselves to feel, truly feel our emotions and at the same time allow those around us who matter; partners, family, friends etc, to see it then we very importantly take the first all important step in allowing ourselves to be seen to be vulnerable.

It’s not easy. It’s scary and it hurts like hell and is why allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is something that many of us (mental health issues aside) find difficult because in doing so we’re also allowing others to see that not only is everything not well in our world but moreover the picture we’ve painted for them of our being ‘superwoman/man’ is a myth

Guess What? – They Already Knew That!

No one is perfect but often the pictures we paint, the facades we build to protect ourselves from too close a scrutiny by others can be. This does both us and those we care for a disservice. Simply because in our determination to be seen to be constantly happy or always able to cope, we take away their choice in the matter and in doing so deem them either not able to cope with our weaknesses (for fear of upsetting them) or have unfairly decided that they wouldn’t care, have time or be interested if we did

The thing is, that’s not our call to make, it’s theirs!

Five years or more ago I made that same decision. The one to shield those I love and they me, from my pain and sadness. It’s one of the few things I regret today because in trying to shield them I certainly took away their choice.

The choice as to whether or not they would simply watch as I imploded or step up and help me to recover and live if they wanted or were able to

But that choice would have been theirs to make not mine

So is it OK to be sad, angry, upset and emotional especially without worrying about what others will think, say or feel about you?

YES because …

As Dr Seuss so succinctly put it ‘Those who matter don’t mind whereas those who mind don’t matter’!!

So…It is okay to be sad!! – AGREED?

Sue Curr is a Speaker, Empowerment Coach & Writer who in combining her professional background with her own significant journey along lifes loneliest of roads that of Mental Ill Health & Addiction today serves to enable others to see and understand that whoever and whatever we are?

It’s Enough!

 

Be True To Yourself

”I think of life as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself & so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.”

Shirley MacLaine

Whatever you do? Don’t ever apologize for being you!

It has taken me most of my adult life to even consider that no matter what the opinions of others are with regards to me (on any level) in actual  fact are absolutely…

None of my business! 

Now I can hear people saying ”what? of course it is!” BUT…

 

In all honesty I can truthfully say and with conviction that it really isn’t.

Of course  whilst it’s always nice when someone takes time out of their day to compliment you in some way be it; how nice you look, congratulating you on a job well done or praising you in public and indeed will often do wonders for your self-esteem, it’s crucial to stay well grounded and realize that more than likely there will be another who would be all too willing to proffer a negative counterbalancing opinion.

For instance during a particularly difficult period some months ago I was struggling on many levels; stress, insomnia & health issues all serving to ensure that for a time I wasn’t ”at the top of my particular game.” One day I was due to meet friends for lunch and spurred on by my innate need for punctuality was as usual first to arrive. The first of my two friends followed me in & after the usual hugs & perfunctory comments about the weather et al she looked me straight in the eye and said ” my God you look awful, how long is it since you’ve been to sleep” a brief conversation ensued as to why, how long etc. When the second friend arrived just minutes later she immediately proclaimed ”wow, you look so much better than last time I saw you.” I laughingly pointed out that our mutual friend had just commented to the opposite effect.

My point here is simply that, among friends, on the same occasion and just minutes apart, even people we know & love can & do form instant opinions about us based purely on having interpreted what they saw. Now obviously this example is very safe in that both opinions although differing came from a place of love and as such didn’t serve in any way to make me feel threatened, undermined or worse still unworthy.

However if we take the basic lesson learned here –  being  that thoughts form a view or judgement about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Then it becomes easy (at least it did for me) to de-personalize how, what, why someone, indeed anyone could or would want, to even think let alone speak or write about me in any manner even if it were complimentary (but that’s a whole new conversation about self-esteem!) because lets face it to put it in its simplest terms anything said about you is either a fact or untrue!

If someone states as fact – ”You are Italian” – there is absolutely nothing to be done except to agree. However if someone were to form say an exaggerated (hyperbole) opinion  ” You are a fat, lazy Italian because you eat too much pasta” –  which may or may not be either true and/or taken literally then you are faced with the age-old dilemma of choice. Do you become outraged, feel insulted, embarrassed or even moved to tears as you recoil from the rhetoric? Or do you choose to acknowledge that as ill-informed & potentially hurtful as it was, it was no more than the view of another and as such can have as much or as little impact on you as you allow it to.

For me the really, really liberating experience of knowing that I can control and thus either limit the negative impact or allow the positive impact to enhance my life was the pivotal moment when I truly understood that:

I am in charge of my thoughts, my emotions & my reactions especially when it comes to taking on board that I may or may not measure up to the expectations which others have of me. In short I can choose how, if at all to react. If I am indeed ” a fat, lazy Italian who eats too much pasta” (sincere apologies for the sweeping generalization used here) then I have  decisions to make.

Whatever the circumstances you have to ask yourself

‘‘What difference to my life and to me as a person would it make if ………..

………and would I be happy with that? You fill in the blanks to fit your own circumstances.

The thing to consider and in my experience the only thing which really matters is that when making these decisions you should always, always strive to be yourself. It may well be that like me, you have along the way actually & often by default lost sight of ”who you really are.”

In my case I became a caricature of what I thought people wanted to see. I hid behind a very carefully constructed  barrier over which I projected an image that even I began to see as the real me. Before long anything & everything I did or said reinforced what I later came to call my ”fake self image” I didn’t know it then but I was in hiding, hiding from the ”reality” of how people would react, treat, question me if they were allowed to ”see the real me”.

In truth I came to learn that Dr Suess was indeed spot on with  the statement:

”Those who matter don’t mind whereas those who mind don’t matter.”

It was a time of enormous enlightenment for me and the lessons I learned along the way will stay with me for ever. I now know that by living in denial of who we really are we are not only doing ourselves a great disservice but we also at times severely underestimate those closest to us.

So as you strive to be true to yourself  please consider the following;

Never try to hide who you really are for you are enough. 

 

You, your past & your present in fact everything that has ever happened to you will shape your future and there were reasons for all of it. When you learn from what has gone before there can be no mistakes and therefore regret is a waste of time.

Always stand up for what you believe in because you have a right to be heard.

By all means listen to the opinions of others but unless they can prove otherwise they are always just that. The only way you will ever engender the respect of others is by showing them that above all else you respect yourself.

Most importantly, be who you want to be.

Do your thing, never apologize for being you & remember;

WHOEVER & WHATEVER YOU ARE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH IF YOU’RE

HAPPY

Because TRULY the opinions of others REALLY are NONE of YOUR business!!!